May 27, 2011 § Leave a comment
IMO, much cheaper than some plastic surgery. Yet still a pretty large chunk of change. This is for the stroller that I have been drooling over since Feb of this year. It’s a double version of the stroller that I previously had and sold last week. (YAY!) But why is it that since being without my stroller, I’ve wanted to go jogging, well, okay let’s be realistic here…waddling. Is it because I know I can’t and that’s why I had the urge to do it? Or was it the fact that I had gained 6 lbs in a month since my last doctors appointment? Who freakin’ knows.
What I do know though, is I will do everything in my power to not have a double chin. Sounds pretty vain you say? I don’t care. I refuse to have it and I am totally starting to see one forming on me!! EEEEP!!!! So I am dropping by REI today because they just got some in stock (via website in stock status). I figure the weather has been great and will hopefully continue in that direction. With it being bright so early in the morning, Hay wakes up around sunrise and doesn’t sleep (lately at least) until 8 pm. Plenty of time to fit a walk in once or twice a day. Maybe it will jump-start labor as I get closer, too.
OH, and to justify it even more, I’m canceling my gym membership which is $50 month (ridiculous with the stupid kid’s club)
My in-laws are moving tomorrow. To Mississippi. From our house. Yep. After 6 months of them living here. While I’m glad I’m getting my house back, I am also really sad they are leaving. They will be back out for the birth of baby #2 and then again in November for G’s brother’s wedding. But to think…I’ve had G’s mom (who I am very close to) home with me from 2:30pm every weekday until G got home… I really feel like I’m going to be so lonely now. So, this is another reason I’m justifying the jogger. This will give me something to do, rather than just wait around for G to come home around 7pm each night.
Anyhow, I pray Hay is having a better day today. I honestly don’t think it could get worse than yesterday. I’m not even going to blog about it because it was so horrific, I don’t need to re-live it again through this. Just know it was the second hardest day I’ve ever had with her.
Happy Friday everyone! Have a safe Memorial Weekend.
May 26, 2011 § Leave a comment
I can still use this phrase right? I think you lose your right to say “when I grow up” when you turn 30. 😛 Maybe even later, but I think 30 is a good age for me.
I would literally give my left arm to be able to shoot and process like these two. Well, actually…if I gave up my left arm, it would make it pretty damn difficult to take pictures and edit…and type. So maybe I would give my left pinky toe…or right. I’m not picky.
They are my idles and inspiration. If they were a rock band, I would be their biggest fan. No question about it.
But since they are photographers, I sit and drool over their pictures and study them and their composition. Wishing and praying that I could one day be just as talented and successful as them. They both have workshops, which I would LOVE to take. But I may have to literally sell my whole left foot to be able to afford just one of them. One day. Maybe.
Oh, to dream!
May 24, 2011 § 3 Comments
I love love love the styles of Anthropologie. Whenever I go there or online I find many things that I drool over, but never end up purchasing. Reason #1 being I’m fat and pregnant, so nothing actually fits. But reason #2 is because I care too much about what other people will think. The styles are gorgeous and I think many can agree on that. But you know how you kind of have a stigma of your style/personality that’s kind of set in stone after high school? And, if you try to change it, people look at you differently or you’re considered a “poser”? I think that’s the word. Anyhow, I
think know I have the style of a school teacher. Bleh. ORRR get this….a mom. I’m 23 (I think) and I don’t think I deserve the title of dressing like a Mom. I don’t want to be dressing like most 23-year-olds I see with their ta tas out or the extremely short shorts, but I really don’t want to be put in the style category as a teacher or mom. Does this make sense? *sigh* I truly wish I just didn’t care. I wish I could just dye my hair a fun color, do a crazy cut and have extremely cute, different clothing. To sum it up, I would love to dress like a hippie. Not positive G would stay with me though.
How comfy does this look?? Yep. I know.
All of these outfits are gorgeous and I would love to wear them…I wish I didn’t care what people had to think. I really want to not care. BTW, isn’t the photography in all of these pictures exquisite? Mhhmm.
If I had the choice to do my hair any way without ever thinking twice what other people would think, I would love to do something similar to this:
I don’t know…I guess I can always dream. Maybe one day I’ll get the balls to not care.
May 23, 2011 § 1 Comment
I had an OB appointment last week and I spoke with my doctor about my plans with not wanting to be induced. He kind of just looked at me for a second without saying anything and then decided to say “Okay, we’ll cross that bridge when you get a tad closer and see how uncomfortable you are.” I wasn’t expecting an award or even a pat on the shoulder for my decision with going full term in the dead of summer, but I really was looking forward to some encouraging words to point me in a positive direction because I obviously really wanted to go naturally, I was just looking for some encouragement. I was really disappointed.
Based on my LMP and my charting when we were trying to conceive, my due date is August 11th. I had an ultrasound at 18 weeks and the ultrasound tech said that she was measuring a week ahead. That would move my due date up to August 4th. I mentioned this again at my last dr visit and he said he was still going off my August 11th due date. He said at 18 weeks, it was really just to confirm the due date “period”. I was disappointed with this as well.
After playing with all this information in my head on the drive home, it got me thinking that maybe it’s a good thing he didn’t move my due date up. If I am still pregnant after August 4th, I’m not going to be terribly disappointed because technically I’m not due until the 11th. I’m now okay with the idea that I’m due on the later date and I’ll just continue to hope she comes a week early. On her own :0)
So, I am officially 28 weeks and 4 days, due August 11th. YAY!
May 23, 2011 § Leave a comment
This past weekend was absolutely gorgeous. We spent most of our time outside BBQ-ing and playing in the sun. G played with his RC car/truck a bit on Saturday like I expected, but I really didn’t mind. It gave me a chance to take some pictures with Hay outside and play with bubbles and her sandbox. :0) I am so blessed to have such a wonderful daughter.
Yesterday morning, G got out of the shower to Hay standing in her bedroom doorway. This was around 7 am. This is a total shocker because even though she’s been in a toddler bed for about 3 months, she would always just wake up and play in her bed. She would never get out until one of us came to get her. Until yesterday that is. She took a nap and stayed in bed the whole time until I got her. When it came to putting her down for bed, she did great again…for about 30 minutes…LOL! We were all at the dinner table and I hear an excited “eeeek”! Like she just entered Disneyland or something. She escaped her room! LOL She ended up having a dirty diaper, so I am thrilled she came out to have me change her.
I put her back in bed again, which wasn’t an easy task. She screamed like I was hurting her or she was being attacked or something while scrambling to get out of the bed. :0( Broke my heart. But it was bed time and rules are rules. I told her with a firm voice “no, it’s time to sleep”. I don’t know if it was the tone of my voice or the serious look I had, but she stopped crying all together and adjusted herself to her usual comfy position and I never heard another peep again. At that exact moment, I wish I had the Staples “That was easy” button. :0) It made me think back to the days of watching my sisters and other kids…I had no patience. Not compared to what I have now anyways. I don’t know if it has to do with age or just the fact that Hay is my kid. But I am so thankful that my thoughts about not wanting kids because I was afraid I wouldn’t have the patience turned out to be false.
May 20, 2011 § 1 Comment
Okay, well it was for more than one, because I was totally going down memory lane on the drive home, which is like 20 minutes. I had the opportunity to go out and do some much needed shopping. ALONE. It was wonderful! I got new curtains for the bedroom (pictures to come tomorrow) and I bought some room decor for baby #2 since the walls are pretty bare…and while looking for an oversized picture to put above our bed, I found this ADORABLE thermal (is that right? Thermal? Well, it has the silver insulation stuff lined inside LOL!) PICNIC BASKET! How cute right? I’ll have to take a picture of that too, so you get the full effect of just how cute it is. I also had the opportunity to run into Barnes and Noble to pick up a book that I’ve wanted for a while. Expressive Photography, written by the Shutter Sisters. I’m excited to crack it open tonight,assuming I’ll be able to muster up some energy.
I love Barnes and Noble. I think it’s because I have so many fond memories of it as a tween/college student. I love it even more because it has a Starbucks in it. Of course, I got my usual. An Iced Chai Tea Latte with soy instead and honey drizzled on top. YUM.
While waiting for my delicious drink to be served, I looked around my heart literally sunk. I realized that I really missed this. I forgot how often I used to come into Barnes and Nobel and get my usual drink. I forgot how much I enjoyed the simple pleasure of walking around B&N just browsing, with no baby. All the people sitting at the Starbucks tables had their Macs out (new ones mind you, which also made my heart cry a little) and their notebooks, studying for their finals (I’m assuming). It made me really miss the college days. I really enjoyed studying with my study groups at Starbucks. It was always late, usually around 8pm, after everyone was able to get off work. We would collaborate on our homework and study our material before upcoming tests. I really miss this. At the time, I’m sure I would have sworn that you would never hear me even think these thoughts…but when I look back, I remember how challenged I felt with some of the classes and a sense of belonging. All 6 of us in our “group” had the same chem class and we were all aspiring to be pre-med students. It’s funny, because while I don’t keep in contact with everyone still, the ones I do keep in touch with have changed their major. But it was so nice to feel apart of something where we all had a common goal. I miss this.
On my way home, this was all I thought about. I pulled in the driveway feeling really depressed and questioning the life that I purposely altered, wondering if I made the right choice. This is a really shitty feeling.
walked waddled in the door carrying the bags of stuff that I just purchased and I am greeted with a small smiling face. Hay is standing there happy as can be, waiting for me. All of the feelings I had felt just minutes early were completely erased. This is my life. She is my life.
I would give up Starbucks in Barnes and Noble any day for this. No sense of belonging or accomplishment can replace the feelings I have for her or being her mother. The memories I have will always be cherished and I will surely look back on them again, but never with the question “did I make the right decision”?
May 20, 2011 § 2 Comments
Hayden isn’t feeling the best today. She’s been on my lap the entire morning and fussy at times. I did however enjoy our hour marathon of Oliva (the cartoon pig) with her cuddling on my lap and playing with my fingers. That was the sweetest hour of my day and possibly qualifying for best hour of the week. I’m trying to cherish all of these moments while I still have them. While we still have them. I actually start to get really sad when I think about her not being my only child. It’s been just the two of us every weekday for the past 16 months. Having a child changes everything. I’m sure with two in the mix, nothing will be the same. This really makes me depressed. I am really trying the cherish every moment.
About three months ago, maybe longer actually, I purchased a lovely cloth bound journal from Anthropologie. I had many ideas for what I would write in it or use it for. Mind you, this is not a cheap journal, as nothing from Anthropologie ever is. But I bought it because it was so gorgeous and I would really appreciate using it for something special. Well, it’s still blank. I’ve opened it a few times as it sits on my nightstand, but nothing seemed worthy enough to write in it, or at least I could never decide on what exactly the sole purpose of the journal would be. Until now.
I love blogging because I can read back at certain events and milestones that I go through with Hay and just life in general. A journal of sorts. But there are many things I don’t blog about…for many reasons that I won’t go into. Though it seems like some things about your life shouldn’t be broadcasted to the world through Facebook or WordPress. I quickly learned this through a few life changing lessons. Anyhow, I’ve just decided that the journal I bought is going to have all of my special moments that I share with Hay and baby #2. Moments that I can look back on and smile. Moments that I can hopefully share with my girls in the future when they are truly able to appreciate and understand the love that I poured into it. Now that I think about it. I may just have to buy another one of these expensive journals…one for each of the girls. Maybe that would mean more to them if they each had their own. Something to consider…
Random Part #2
~Are you a fan of Tiny Buddha? If you aren’t already, you should be. I love them. I was intrigued by one of their links “How To Stop Obsessing Over Things You Want” and I thought I would answer the “how to escape the trap” part…so here it goes.
1. Recognize when you are clinging.
Notice whenever you feel desperate for something to turn out a particular way. Would it really be the end of the world?
I really want to improve in my photography. It’s not going to happen over night, I know this. But never-the-less, the sooner the better. Please and thank you.
Why is it so important?
Honestly, I think it’s because I want an identity outside of being a mom and a wife. I was so driven to succeed with school or just plain survival with living on my own before being a mother, now that I have everything I could possibly ever need, I feel lost. Being an amazing photographer would give me an identity and I would always be looking for ways to improve.
What are you afraid might happen if you don’t get it?
If I don’t reach this goal of mine, within the next few years at least, I will feel like I’m a failure. Like I didn’t try hard enough.
Would it really be the end of the world?
No. I would still have my wonderful family and a million pictures of my beautiful girls. But I desperately do want to turn my hobby into something. I would like to be able to support myself and my family if I needed to.
2. Be open to the idea that you might get what you need, not what you want.
I really try to hold fast to this. I know the Lord knows what I need and he will provide just that. It’s just hard to let it go and put it all in his hands sometimes.
3. Take a step back.
Breathe. If you’re feeling overwhelmed because you want something too much, then do something else to distract yourself. Get involved in other things that are also important to you.
I have done this. I am focusing on my family. Spending time with Hayden and G is so much more important to me right now. Marketing and spending endless hours on end staring at the computer or reading books to improve has been really overwhelming for me lately.
4. Get support.
If you’re obsessed with something and you can’t get it out of your mind, be kind to yourself and speak to your friends and family as much as you can. If you still can’t let go of your obsession, think about seeking professional help.
We are all human. Most of us want fame, money, and expensive chocolate. But if we can gradually stop clinging, then we won’t be so upset when we get a huge unexpected bill, or when someone eats our last expensive chocolate.
The more we can loosen our tight grip on what we expect, and what we think we need, the easier our lives will be.
We’ll be a little upset, of course. Especially about the chocolate.
This was a really neat article and I think she hit it spot on…I was completely honest in the questions that I answered above. It’s interesting to listen to my thoughts while writing out the answers. I can picture myself in a therapist’s office. Kinda wanting to lie with some of the questions because I’m scared of feeling ashamed or judged. But I didn’t. The truth was told lol.