A bunch of random thoughts.

May 20, 2011 § 2 Comments

Hayden isn’t feeling the best today. She’s been on my lap the entire morning and fussy at times. I did however enjoy our hour marathon of Oliva (the cartoon pig) with her cuddling on my lap and playing with my fingers. That was the sweetest hour of my day and possibly qualifying for best hour of the week. I’m trying to cherish all of these moments while I still have them. While we still have them. I actually start to get really sad when I think about her not being my only child. It’s been just the two of us every weekday for the past 16 months. Having a child changes everything. I’m sure with two in the mix, nothing will be the same. This really makes me depressed. I am really trying the cherish every moment.

About three months ago, maybe longer actually, I purchased a lovely cloth bound journal from Anthropologie. I had many ideas for what I would write in it or use it for. Mind you, this is not a cheap journal, as nothing from Anthropologie ever is. But I bought it because it was so gorgeous and I would really appreciate using it for something special. Well, it’s still blank. I’ve opened it a few times as it sits on my nightstand, but nothing seemed worthy enough to write in it, or at least I could never decide on what exactly the sole purpose of the journal would be. Until now.

I love blogging because I can read back at certain events and milestones that I go through with Hay and just life in general. A journal of sorts. But there are many things I don’t blog about…for many reasons that I won’t go into. Though it seems like some things about your life shouldn’t be broadcasted to the world through Facebook or WordPress. I quickly learned this through a few life changing lessons. Anyhow, I’ve just decided that the journal I bought is going to have all of my special moments that I share with Hay and baby #2. Moments that I can look back on and smile. Moments that I can hopefully share with my girls in the future when they are truly able to appreciate and understand the love that I poured into it. Now that I think about it. I may just have to buy another one of these expensive journals…one for each of the girls. Maybe that would mean more to them if they each had their own. Something to consider…

Random Part #2

~Are you a fan of  Tiny Buddha? If you aren’t already, you should be. I love them. I was intrigued by one of their links “How To Stop Obsessing Over Things You Want” and I thought I would answer the “how to escape the trap” part…so here it goes.

1. Recognize when you are clinging.

Notice whenever you feel desperate for something to turn out a particular way.  Would it really be the end of the world?

I really want to improve in my photography. It’s not going to happen over night, I know this. But never-the-less, the sooner the better. Please and thank you.

Why is it so important?

Honestly, I think  it’s because I want an identity outside of being a mom and a wife. I was so driven to succeed with school or just plain survival with living on my own before being a mother, now that I have everything I could possibly ever need, I feel lost. Being an amazing photographer would give me an identity and I would always be looking for ways to improve.

What are you afraid might happen if you don’t get it?

If I don’t reach this goal of mine, within the next few years at least, I will feel like I’m a failure. Like I didn’t try hard enough.

Would it really be the end of the world?

No. I would still have my wonderful family and a million pictures of my beautiful girls. But I desperately do want to turn my hobby into something. I would like to be able to support myself and my family if I needed to.

2. Be open to the idea that you might get what you need, not what you want.

I really try to hold fast to this. I know the Lord knows what I need and he will provide just that. It’s just hard to let it go and put it all in his hands sometimes. 

3. Take a step back.

Breathe. If you’re feeling overwhelmed because you want something too much, then do something else to distract yourself. Get involved in other things that are also important to you.

I have done this. I am focusing on my family. Spending time with Hayden and G is so much more important to me right now. Marketing and spending endless hours on end staring at the computer or reading books to improve has been really overwhelming for me lately.

4. Get support.

If you’re obsessed with something and you can’t get it out of your mind, be kind to yourself and speak to your friends and family as much as you can. If you still can’t let go of your obsession, think about seeking professional help.

We are all human. Most of us want fame, money, and expensive chocolate. But if we can gradually stop clinging, then we won’t be so upset when we get a huge unexpected bill, or when someone eats our last expensive chocolate.

The more we can loosen our tight grip on what we expect, and what we think we need, the easier our lives will be.

We’ll be a little upset, of course. Especially about the chocolate.
This was a really neat article and I think she hit it spot on…I was completely honest in the questions that I answered above. It’s interesting to listen to my thoughts while writing out the answers. I can picture myself in a therapist’s office. Kinda wanting to lie with some of the questions because I’m scared of feeling ashamed or judged. But I didn’t. The truth was told lol.


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§ 2 Responses to A bunch of random thoughts.

  • Heather says:

    Beautiful random comments, and I LOVE the idea of writing for your girls. I’m so excited to start writing down all the funny things that Mirabelle says as she gets older, but I never really thought about writing down just the nice moments we have together!

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