May 23, 2011 § 1 Comment
I had an OB appointment last week and I spoke with my doctor about my plans with not wanting to be induced. He kind of just looked at me for a second without saying anything and then decided to say “Okay, we’ll cross that bridge when you get a tad closer and see how uncomfortable you are.” I wasn’t expecting an award or even a pat on the shoulder for my decision with going full term in the dead of summer, but I really was looking forward to some encouraging words to point me in a positive direction because I obviously really wanted to go naturally, I was just looking for some encouragement. I was really disappointed.
Based on my LMP and my charting when we were trying to conceive, my due date is August 11th. I had an ultrasound at 18 weeks and the ultrasound tech said that she was measuring a week ahead. That would move my due date up to August 4th. I mentioned this again at my last dr visit and he said he was still going off my August 11th due date. He said at 18 weeks, it was really just to confirm the due date “period”. I was disappointed with this as well.
After playing with all this information in my head on the drive home, it got me thinking that maybe it’s a good thing he didn’t move my due date up. If I am still pregnant after August 4th, I’m not going to be terribly disappointed because technically I’m not due until the 11th. I’m now okay with the idea that I’m due on the later date and I’ll just continue to hope she comes a week early. On her own :0)
So, I am officially 28 weeks and 4 days, due August 11th. YAY!
May 23, 2011 § Leave a comment
This past weekend was absolutely gorgeous. We spent most of our time outside BBQ-ing and playing in the sun. G played with his RC car/truck a bit on Saturday like I expected, but I really didn’t mind. It gave me a chance to take some pictures with Hay outside and play with bubbles and her sandbox. :0) I am so blessed to have such a wonderful daughter.
Yesterday morning, G got out of the shower to Hay standing in her bedroom doorway. This was around 7 am. This is a total shocker because even though she’s been in a toddler bed for about 3 months, she would always just wake up and play in her bed. She would never get out until one of us came to get her. Until yesterday that is. She took a nap and stayed in bed the whole time until I got her. When it came to putting her down for bed, she did great again…for about 30 minutes…LOL! We were all at the dinner table and I hear an excited “eeeek”! Like she just entered Disneyland or something. She escaped her room! LOL She ended up having a dirty diaper, so I am thrilled she came out to have me change her.
I put her back in bed again, which wasn’t an easy task. She screamed like I was hurting her or she was being attacked or something while scrambling to get out of the bed. :0( Broke my heart. But it was bed time and rules are rules. I told her with a firm voice “no, it’s time to sleep”. I don’t know if it was the tone of my voice or the serious look I had, but she stopped crying all together and adjusted herself to her usual comfy position and I never heard another peep again. At that exact moment, I wish I had the Staples “That was easy” button. :0) It made me think back to the days of watching my sisters and other kids…I had no patience. Not compared to what I have now anyways. I don’t know if it has to do with age or just the fact that Hay is my kid. But I am so thankful that my thoughts about not wanting kids because I was afraid I wouldn’t have the patience turned out to be false.
May 20, 2011 § 1 Comment
Okay, well it was for more than one, because I was totally going down memory lane on the drive home, which is like 20 minutes. I had the opportunity to go out and do some much needed shopping. ALONE. It was wonderful! I got new curtains for the bedroom (pictures to come tomorrow) and I bought some room decor for baby #2 since the walls are pretty bare…and while looking for an oversized picture to put above our bed, I found this ADORABLE thermal (is that right? Thermal? Well, it has the silver insulation stuff lined inside LOL!) PICNIC BASKET! How cute right? I’ll have to take a picture of that too, so you get the full effect of just how cute it is. I also had the opportunity to run into Barnes and Noble to pick up a book that I’ve wanted for a while. Expressive Photography, written by the Shutter Sisters. I’m excited to crack it open tonight,assuming I’ll be able to muster up some energy.
I love Barnes and Noble. I think it’s because I have so many fond memories of it as a tween/college student. I love it even more because it has a Starbucks in it. Of course, I got my usual. An Iced Chai Tea Latte with soy instead and honey drizzled on top. YUM.
While waiting for my delicious drink to be served, I looked around my heart literally sunk. I realized that I really missed this. I forgot how often I used to come into Barnes and Nobel and get my usual drink. I forgot how much I enjoyed the simple pleasure of walking around B&N just browsing, with no baby. All the people sitting at the Starbucks tables had their Macs out (new ones mind you, which also made my heart cry a little) and their notebooks, studying for their finals (I’m assuming). It made me really miss the college days. I really enjoyed studying with my study groups at Starbucks. It was always late, usually around 8pm, after everyone was able to get off work. We would collaborate on our homework and study our material before upcoming tests. I really miss this. At the time, I’m sure I would have sworn that you would never hear me even think these thoughts…but when I look back, I remember how challenged I felt with some of the classes and a sense of belonging. All 6 of us in our “group” had the same chem class and we were all aspiring to be pre-med students. It’s funny, because while I don’t keep in contact with everyone still, the ones I do keep in touch with have changed their major. But it was so nice to feel apart of something where we all had a common goal. I miss this.
On my way home, this was all I thought about. I pulled in the driveway feeling really depressed and questioning the life that I purposely altered, wondering if I made the right choice. This is a really shitty feeling.
walked waddled in the door carrying the bags of stuff that I just purchased and I am greeted with a small smiling face. Hay is standing there happy as can be, waiting for me. All of the feelings I had felt just minutes early were completely erased. This is my life. She is my life.
I would give up Starbucks in Barnes and Noble any day for this. No sense of belonging or accomplishment can replace the feelings I have for her or being her mother. The memories I have will always be cherished and I will surely look back on them again, but never with the question “did I make the right decision”?
May 20, 2011 § 2 Comments
Hayden isn’t feeling the best today. She’s been on my lap the entire morning and fussy at times. I did however enjoy our hour marathon of Oliva (the cartoon pig) with her cuddling on my lap and playing with my fingers. That was the sweetest hour of my day and possibly qualifying for best hour of the week. I’m trying to cherish all of these moments while I still have them. While we still have them. I actually start to get really sad when I think about her not being my only child. It’s been just the two of us every weekday for the past 16 months. Having a child changes everything. I’m sure with two in the mix, nothing will be the same. This really makes me depressed. I am really trying the cherish every moment.
About three months ago, maybe longer actually, I purchased a lovely cloth bound journal from Anthropologie. I had many ideas for what I would write in it or use it for. Mind you, this is not a cheap journal, as nothing from Anthropologie ever is. But I bought it because it was so gorgeous and I would really appreciate using it for something special. Well, it’s still blank. I’ve opened it a few times as it sits on my nightstand, but nothing seemed worthy enough to write in it, or at least I could never decide on what exactly the sole purpose of the journal would be. Until now.
I love blogging because I can read back at certain events and milestones that I go through with Hay and just life in general. A journal of sorts. But there are many things I don’t blog about…for many reasons that I won’t go into. Though it seems like some things about your life shouldn’t be broadcasted to the world through Facebook or WordPress. I quickly learned this through a few life changing lessons. Anyhow, I’ve just decided that the journal I bought is going to have all of my special moments that I share with Hay and baby #2. Moments that I can look back on and smile. Moments that I can hopefully share with my girls in the future when they are truly able to appreciate and understand the love that I poured into it. Now that I think about it. I may just have to buy another one of these expensive journals…one for each of the girls. Maybe that would mean more to them if they each had their own. Something to consider…
Random Part #2
~Are you a fan of Tiny Buddha? If you aren’t already, you should be. I love them. I was intrigued by one of their links “How To Stop Obsessing Over Things You Want” and I thought I would answer the “how to escape the trap” part…so here it goes.
1. Recognize when you are clinging.
Notice whenever you feel desperate for something to turn out a particular way. Would it really be the end of the world?
I really want to improve in my photography. It’s not going to happen over night, I know this. But never-the-less, the sooner the better. Please and thank you.
Why is it so important?
Honestly, I think it’s because I want an identity outside of being a mom and a wife. I was so driven to succeed with school or just plain survival with living on my own before being a mother, now that I have everything I could possibly ever need, I feel lost. Being an amazing photographer would give me an identity and I would always be looking for ways to improve.
What are you afraid might happen if you don’t get it?
If I don’t reach this goal of mine, within the next few years at least, I will feel like I’m a failure. Like I didn’t try hard enough.
Would it really be the end of the world?
No. I would still have my wonderful family and a million pictures of my beautiful girls. But I desperately do want to turn my hobby into something. I would like to be able to support myself and my family if I needed to.
2. Be open to the idea that you might get what you need, not what you want.
I really try to hold fast to this. I know the Lord knows what I need and he will provide just that. It’s just hard to let it go and put it all in his hands sometimes.
3. Take a step back.
Breathe. If you’re feeling overwhelmed because you want something too much, then do something else to distract yourself. Get involved in other things that are also important to you.
I have done this. I am focusing on my family. Spending time with Hayden and G is so much more important to me right now. Marketing and spending endless hours on end staring at the computer or reading books to improve has been really overwhelming for me lately.
4. Get support.
If you’re obsessed with something and you can’t get it out of your mind, be kind to yourself and speak to your friends and family as much as you can. If you still can’t let go of your obsession, think about seeking professional help.
We are all human. Most of us want fame, money, and expensive chocolate. But if we can gradually stop clinging, then we won’t be so upset when we get a huge unexpected bill, or when someone eats our last expensive chocolate.
The more we can loosen our tight grip on what we expect, and what we think we need, the easier our lives will be.
We’ll be a little upset, of course. Especially about the chocolate.
This was a really neat article and I think she hit it spot on…I was completely honest in the questions that I answered above. It’s interesting to listen to my thoughts while writing out the answers. I can picture myself in a therapist’s office. Kinda wanting to lie with some of the questions because I’m scared of feeling ashamed or judged. But I didn’t. The truth was told lol.
May 20, 2011 § Leave a comment
I have been waiting for this day all week! I don’t think any of my weeks have ever been this long before in my life. Nothing exciting is even happening today. It’s just the fact that it’s the last day of the week and I get to stay home with my love bugs all weekend.
G just got a new RC truck/car thingy, so sadly I’m sure I won’t be seeing him as much as I would like. But just knowing he’s in the backyard and can come in for lunch/dinner and snacks makes it better than a weekday.
On another note, the third trimester drag is definitely here. I have absolutely no energy by 2pm. By 7 I am constantly checking the clock like I’m a high school student again watching to see when the bell will ring to leave class. 8 o’clock these days (for the past week anyways) is bed time for me. G has been really helpful lately. He sees I’m dragging so he volunteers to give Hay a bath and to help clear the dinner table. It’s a huge help! I
fell asleep was knocked out on the couch last night at 7. I don’t even remember falling asleep. G said I was resting on his shoulder and just totally conked out. I woke up to a toddler pinching my nose and saying “honk honk”. It made me laugh even though I woke up totally confused as to what was going on. I changed Hay’s diaper and she went down for bed with no problem. Last night was a good night. OH and we had pizza for dinner. Mama didn’t have to cook! It was amazing…just to get a break every once in a while makes the breaks from cooking dinner so much more rewarding lol.
I am going to try to get outside today and take some pictures. Maybe take Hay to the park since it’s the first nice day all week. I’ll post pictures later of our adventures.
Happy Friday everyone!
May 18, 2011 § 1 Comment
At roughly 30 weeks pregnant, it’s got me thinking about my birthing plan. Since this isn’t my first rodeo with the whole child birthing process, I have a little better of an idea of how things will go and progress. With Hay, my water broke while I was sleeping. I showered and we jumped in the truck with my overnight bag (somehow her newborn outfit never made it in there so she was taken home wrapped in the hospital sheet and one of my sweatpants. Do I get the Mom of the Year award? Hubby refused to leave my side when I insisted on him running home and getting her outfit. A outfit. ANY outfit. Obviously, he didn’t.
I forget where I was going with this…anyhow, I think I felt a total of one painful contraction…the epidural was ah-maze-ing. No doubt about it. I am a huge wussy when it comes to pain. In fact, the nurse had asked me about my pain tolerance and I replied that I thought I was average. G let out a laugh. Seriously? He laughed. That did not make me happy, but it made me really evaluate my tolerance for pain. He was right. It’s pretty damn low.
I keep getting off track here so I’ll just get to it. I am going to try to do most of my laboring here at home and go to the hospital when I really need to. The worst part about my labor experience with Hay was the fact that I was in the hospital so damn long. If I can bare through a lot of the contractions, I would like to do so without wires hooked up to me and the sterile hospital smell…not to mention the constant beeping sound coming from three different machines.
So far, this is the only part of my birth plan that I have figured out. This and the fact that I don’t think I will be inducing early like I had thought. Still doing some research on it, but it doesn’t sound like the best option for me and baby #2.